Whitman and I were talking last night, and I began to reminisce about our first date(s). Somehow, rapidly (but not shockingly) the conversation turned to sex. We were talking about the new Naughty Points system that he instituted, and I told him how surprised I was by it.
I also told him how glad I was that he surprised me with it. And how hot it made me.
I earned points before I even knew we had a point system! He posted here about it, and I read the rules along with the rest of the world. It was perfect that way – the Whitman Sneak Attack. I had no time to ponder, dwell, or fret over the impending system. It caused me to IMMEDIATELY snap to attention, and focus my mind on HIM/us/my wet cunt. (I DO NOW have time to ponder and fret over impending punishments, though… When? What? How much?)
This may seem out of line to some people in D/s relationships where everything is negotiated and spelled out in advance. To me, this was just another example of the perfect evolution of our relationship, and especially the evolution of the KINKY parts of our relationship. It’s like Whitman just KNOWS me…maybe better than I know my SELF (and he’s right. As usual.
I DEFINITELY need some re-training).
I’ve always had a predilection for submissive sex, but shared that with very few people.
I’ve never explored it fully. I wondered out loud to Whitman how it even came up in our relationship. We’ve always been wide open emotionally and sexually with each other. I guessed THAT’S how it came up.
Whitman, though, reminded me that I had started dropping hints early on, and he took it from there. (He’d grasped my hands in a certain way over dinner…I asked him about it the next day. He claimed it was innocent; I still think he knew what he was doing…even subconsciously).
It has progressed from that ‘innocent’ hand-grab, to light restraint and spanking to heavier restraint, heavier physical torment, sensory deprivation, breath play, denial (of whatever), etc., etc., etc.…
It’s like a never-ending flow of ideas and exploration.
I want it to keep going and growing. Forever.
I want to be everything to him. (We do have a very real relationship OUTSIDE of Dom/sub sex, but it is so fluid. We move from one to the other and back effortlessly.)
Right now, I want to explore further a service-oriented submission…kneeling at his feet, sucking his cock while he works, doing his bidding at mealtimes, crawling, corseted on hands and knees to bring him the belt to spank me. You know, just regular stuff. ;) I want to get to a really deep place of submission…to be able to stop battling with my ‘real world’ self about what’s okay and what’s acceptable, and just let. it. go.
I really, REALLY want to get to a place where I can FULLY appreciate his pleasure for just what it is, and focus on that… For instance, if he WANTS or NEEDS to have sex with someone else, (or wants ME to have sex with someone else, for that matter), I want to WANT THAT for him. That part might take me a while, but I’m working on it.