This is the start of a new chapter in the story of Whitman and Sex Fairy.
I have written before about my desire to be willing to share Whitman with other women. I KNOW he needs more sexually than any one person can ever give him. (Yes, even if that one person is ME, the Amazing Sex Fairy!!) He needs more, he needs different, he needs new. I often question (on this blog, in my mind, and out loud to anyone who will listen) whether monogamy is even a realistic concept.
I struggle.
We’ve recently encountered a young girl (okay, not a girl, but she is much younger than us) that Whitman would like to play with. It’s mutual. She wants to play with him. She wants a ‘Daddy,’ which was completely off my sex radar, but it now seems suddenly very, very hot, and totally fascinating. It makes perfect sense. Although we’ve never done any age play, Whitman is already very much a dominant in the “Daddy Dom” mold. It’s incredibly sexy. I want this experience for him. I want it for him very much.
The three of us are talking. It’s hugely erotic, and off-the-charts arousing. It’s all horny, all the time around here these days. We’re going to play together, but I have a vision (or is it just a wish?) in my heart and mind that I can let this blossom into a loving relationship for the two of them, or maybe the three of us. I’m not sure though. Do I really have it in me to be polyamorous?? Do I really want to? I am, after all, an only child and not used to sharing. Can I even open my heart up in this way? Would it be easier to let them have their own time together? Easier for me? Easier for them? My greatest fear in opening up to other people is that I will lose Whitman to someone he likes better…some as yet unknown phantom lover. (Of course this could happen whether I open up or not, right?) This gnawing fear makes it hard to open completely, as much as I want to. Perhaps I can open up, but can I let go?
The feeling of being excited for him as his brain is awash in the hormones of new attraction is amazing. I, too, am overcome by the excitement of novelty. By sharing our thoughts and experiences, it’s like something is being added to our relationship, rather than something being taken away. If either of us felt the need to hide our feelings and desires (and yes, fears), then it would seem like a takeaway. However, the reality is that he’s a little distracted by horniness and excitement right now, (who wouldn’t be?) and in THAT sense it feels like a little bit of our relationship has been taken away.
Opening up. Am I inviting more love, or inviting disaster?